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Sticks and Stones
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me" (Alexander William Kinglake, 1830). I wrestle with the wording of that famous rhyme. I believe the author was conveying the importance of ignoring insulting comments and how we should not let them cause us to quit, which is a very beneficial thought. Yet at the same time, there has to be a better way of expressing that message without saying “words shall never hurt me.” From what I can tell, words are just as painful as physical offensives and can often cause greater injury.
Solomon said it this way, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). Whether it is a decision in court or a comment made in personal conversation, words have the ability to alter a person’s entire earthly life. Who among us can easily brush off an insulting comment or unjust criticism? Do we not lose sleep over it and wrestle with a spirt of bitterness in response to it? Of course, we do. “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (15:4). We live and die emotionally by the things people say to and about us. All of this should remind us of the explosive power of our words and the tremendous ability we have to either build up or tear down people. Based on what we say and how we say it, we can be the difference-maker in compounding or alleviating someone’s burdens. We have that power! “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).
Someone has said “words are things” because of the effect they have on our minds and direction in life. I can see the value of that statement. How many marriages have been devastated by hurtful words? How many teenagers have taken their life because of verbal assaults on social media? How many preachers have given up because of overcritical and unloving judgments? How many of us have never reached our potential because of the words we tell ourselves? It happens. Words are truly living, powerful things! And even though Solomon tells us to “not take to heart everything people say…For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others” (Ecclesiastes 7:21), that is often easier said than done. It is very, very difficult to dismiss disparaging comments. We can eventually learn to respond properly and overcome them, but not without intense struggle and prayer.
At the same time, our words have the remarkable ability to heal and strengthen. All it takes is a sincere compliment, an encouraging note, or a positive affirmation to change a person’s entire outlook. This is why I am fond of Barnabas – the name the apostles gave Joses because of his sincere desire to encourage others (Acts 4:36). He found the right words to offer the struggling souls around him and demonstrated the kindness and humility of Christ in making the world a better place. This was especially true with his brethren. He was selected by the church at Jerusalem to go work with the newly established work at Antioch, with all of its racial diversity and infancy in the knowledge of Christ, to build it up and keep it going. Consequently, he “encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue with the Lord” so that “a great many people” were added to the Lord (Acts 12:23-24). One person with a love for God and a genuine desire to serve others can influence an entire congregation for the better.
Do you want to increase your value as a member of God’s kingdom? Improve your words and find a way to build up people. Your worth will be greater than gold. And the best way we can enhance our speech is to be patient in our judgments and humble in our opinions. James said it this way, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20). Has someone insulted you or said something hurtful to someone you love? Be slow to speak, slow to wrath, and pray for the wisdom and humility to respond properly. Life is too short, and already too difficult, to let pride create further conflicts with others. Do as Jesus said and pray for your enemy (Matthew 5:43-48). It will heal all kinds of pain and possibly even open a door for opportunity for you to be at peace with them. If not, at least you have not let the impulses of the devil dominate your spirit. Remember, if Jesus could endure the insults and threats He experienced, you can endure whatever accusatory words are hurled at you. Namely, “For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth’; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Peter 2:21-23).
Thus, sticks and stones may break our bones … but words can do so much more. I am not sure if Mr. Kinglake would appreciate that modification, but it certainly makes me more mindful of the power of words and how I should use them. Or as Solomon observed, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health” (Proverbs 12:18). Well said.
